ants in the pants

Happy First Day of Spring!

It was a gorgeous day, bright blue skies with a hint of cottony clouds. The air was crisp, clean and cool. Where did you spend your day,you might ask?. 

I spent my day it in a bunker. 

yep, in a damn bunker. Today was day two of four straight days of Emergency Management/Disaster Response training. Now, I don't don't mind a day out of the office...but FOUR STRAIGHT DAYS? and did i mention it was in a bunker?

Remember that kid back in school, the one who always got in trouble for getting up and walking around without permission. I was that kid. What was it my mother used to call it? "Ants in the pants". Sitting for prolonged periods of time in the confines of a structured environment makes for a very fidgety, distracted, grumpy boi. Add in the "lets get to know each other" segment and group activities and I can get REAL peevish REAL quick. 

Our instructor is a sarcastic, know-it-all ex-marine. He flies through the material like tomorrow is the end of times....I could appreciate this IF i had the time to write down anything he said. I do, however, appreciate that he rarely stops for questions and allows no time for that one blabbermouth. You know the one...the blue haired lady who always has more experience in the subject at hand than anyone else in the world...ever! The instructor has a beautiful assistant who rarely speaks...I wish he would let her facilitate an exercise or two.

Around 10:00 am we broke into small groups. I found myself surrounded by three extremely opinionated, extraordinarily sweet, older men. They all had various degrees of experience and decided unanimously to elect me, the least experienced member, team lead and spokesperson. 

thanks pals. you really shouldn't have.

We spent the day discussing the information and dutifully completing our group exercises. We worked well together. They rambled about their various expertise and i wrote down what i thought was important.

Towards the end of the day, one of the men from my group was appointed manager of the simulation we will be doing tomorrow. He immediately gave me a lead role to play in the simulation as well.

What Joy.

So, starting 8:00 am tomorrow I get to pretend to know what i am doing and then lead thirty other more qualified persons in how to do the jobs they already know how to do.

as the kids say,
FML!

P.S. Has anyone seen the new Gatorade commercial staring my one, true love Abby Wambach?? its amazing
P.S.S Imagine confetti and glitter being thrown everywhere. That's me celebrating reaching 10 followers/readers!!!!! I'm so honored there are actually ten people out there who want to read my ramblings. THANKS YA'll!

reality bites

Make that Harper and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

    

 this is me today....seriously. it is one goddamn thing after another. 

Blow after blow...my soul is feeling rather bruised and bloody.

I hate when the tears are so close to spilling over that you have to tilt your head back

looking into the harsh florescent lights

blinking faster than beating hummingbird wings to keep them from tumbling over the edge.

and the people keep calling

the people you work endlessly to help

people whose life are WAY shittier than yours

they keep calling

and you start feeling guilty for feeling so shitty when they are in deeper shit than you

and that makes it worse and the tears come back

one misguided blink and they trip over your eyelashes

slide silently over your cheek.

you wonder if you can attribute tears and red eyes to allergies?

marg from IT walks by as you take another call;

squinting at you

you clear your throat to quell the shake in your voice.

and all you want to do is smoke

but you're trying to quit

quitting sucks ass

smoking is such an expensive habit.

you try retreating to the bathroom

there are woman gabbing about t-ball practice and that bitch in accounting

maybe the break room is empty

there are men talking about march madness and that bitch in accounting

you walk outside

the smokers are outside

back to your desk 

you work

all the while watching the clock for quittin' time

then you can go home and cry for real

or eat copious amounts of mac n' cheese

or drink that bottle of bourbon

instead you go home and put on that old, blue cardigan

the one that looks like something dad would have worn in '79

you listen to 

Six Days at the Bottom of the Ocean 

by Explosions in the Sky

anger, frustration, failure and alienation begin to fade

now you are just cold

your body aches for sun

for warmth

for strength

you search the sky for signs of life

i desperately want someone strong and beautiful to sing me this song tonight...but ray will do in a pinch. :)