things that make a boi smile

1. A pretty girl, hair blowing around her face, driving a manual open air jeep in her bare feet...at dusk. (actually saw this today!)
2. A puppy that misses you so much when you are at work she cries and nips at your clothes when you get home.
3. A fresh cup of coffee and a cigarette (yes i know...the cigarettes must go)
4. Hot and spicy Ethiopian food (vegetarian)
5. Deschutes Black Butte Stout
6. My favorite maroon knit tie
7. Pappa Hills Popcorn (seriously, Google it...buy it...you will be forever grateful)
8. Kurt Vonnegut
9. Running into old friends
10. Playing tag with a six yr old, four yr old, two yr old and one yr old (definitely got my exercise)
11. A '69 Chevy pickup truck
12. Salt and pepper hair
13. Hiking up Guanella Pass
14. Tickets to see Brandi Carlile with Gregory Allen Isokov and Ingrid Michaelson at Red Rocks.
15. Chamomile Tea and NPR before bed (do i sound like I'm 80?)

observations on a gay rooftop happy hour

I've been feeling quite stagnant...bored, lonely and tired. My horizons seem to be shrinking instead of broadening...in short, the saying, "same shit different day" is beginning to fit my life rather well. 

I've  moped about it for a while....but that is boring too....


In order me to grow out of this particular tangled mess of sameness, i think i need to step outside of my comfort zone. Now, i love meeting new people and doing new things. But there is a moment before the meeting and doing that is terrifying to me. I usually get a friend to try something new with me...but this time i'm taking action and i'm taking it alone.

I signed up to attend a volunteer orientation at  The Center, the local GLBT center. What an great place! Walking into The Center is like walking into a corner of heaven. Its so refreshing to be in  a non-judgmental space...an open, caring space. I walked into a room full of other GLBT peeps looking to be a part of their community. I was inspired by The Centers long standing presence in the community and the plethora of programs they offered. I had a conversation with the Volunteer Coordinator, discussing the many volunteer opportunities I was interested in. She was impressed with my work history and my current foray in the non-prof world and long story short i found myself agreeing to be one of five volunteer captains working at Denvers PrideFest. (the third largest in the nation) I've been to all of the PrideFest Production meetings and after everyone i ask myself "what the hell have you gotten yourself in to??" I always end up in some sort of leadership/management/coordinator position but this is a little outside of my realm. I'm a small team manager, an office supervisor, a disaster response planner...not a LARGE EVENT volunteer captain! I am nervous as hell but wildly excited. 


so, PrideFest is in three weeks (YIKES) but i wanted to get my feet wet in the whole volunteer world so decided to try my hand at a Rooftop Happy Hour. The Center hosts a couple of Rooftop Happy Hours during the summer...its gets the community together and raises funds for The Centers programs.

Friday May 18, 2012

I raced over from work, changing at stop lights. I arrived rather breathless and was thrown into a group of bar tenders from previous Center Happy Hours. Slowly but surely in came the gays; old and handsome, young and beautiful, loud and crazy, quiet and shy. There were men and women everywhere, every single one of the gay, lesbian, bi, transgender, queer or ally. You name it they were there....buying drinks and getting tipsy. At first i was simply barback. I ran trash, filled ice buckets and restocked the beer coolers. A storm was threatening to rain down on our little party...instead it rumbled and roared but only sprinkled. There was an air of excitement as people drank and laughed and watched the sky for lightening. Finally it was busy enough for me to start tending bar myself...i poured pre-made drinks and popped the tops off of so many beers i was seeing bottle caps in my dreams later. There were scads hot, sexy, beautiful women everywhere! I winked and flirted and smiled....caught a couple lingering glances...i was having a BLAST! I saw a few co workers. Met their partners and talked shop. The night wore on and alcohol began wearing away at peoples inhibitions. There was a group of "almost fifties" women that I became quite chummy with as i served them beer and sweet vodka drinks.

her lipstick was dark and thick, her hair twenty different shades of brown and sticking straight out all over her head. She was starting to slur just a mite.

"you are too cute...how old are you? nineteen?"

"Haha! Im serving alcohol so i have to be older than that..."

"Oh right!! hahaha arnt you smart! You must be so smart! Its your glasses. Are you smart?"

"Oh sure, i'm practically a rocket scientist."

"Oh! haha your funny too! Am i going to see you on youtube??"

"Sure, i'm all over youtube!"

Her eyes widened, "Really?!"

"No," i chuckled, "i have never put myself on youtube."

"HAHAHAHAHAH" she cackled merrily. "You are too much!"

I had already grabbed her a beer at this point and was in the process of handing off a few more when she decidesd to run her fingers through my hair....no joke.

"Oh your hair is just great! What kind of product do you use? Where do you get your hair done? oh i love short hair....you should go to Sallys Beauty Shop!" 

"Well, i guess i'll have to check it out..."

and she swooped away as quick as she came.

a few minutes later two more ladies came up to the bar....we were out of the beer they wanted so i coaxed them into something else....They propped themselves up at the bar and one asked, "See any pretty single women here?"

"well, i've seen plenty of pretty women but i have no idea if they are single...."

"yeah, so , are you single....??" she wiggled her eyebrows up and down.

"and then some" i said dryly

her friend asked, "well, what if i were younger would you go out with me?"

her eyes begged me to say yes even if i didn't mean it. 

"Of course!" they roared with laughter delighted with the idea.

the first one asked, "how bout now...would you date a 50 year old me now."

"well, i try not to discriminate..."

"oh!!!! ha-haha you are funny" and she ran her fingers through my hair. 

Apparently when one is drunk you don't have to ask permission to touch someone else's hair. I've never had so many women touch my head.

One gentle giant, with a silver flat top, came over for another beer. Her arms bulged out of her polo and she strutted around with confidence. I popped open a killians and handed it over. Her eyes were twinkling and her pal nudged her to say something. I leaned over expecting her to take liberty with my hair just like everyone else. Instead she said, in a deep scratchy voice,

"I don't want to sound like a jack ass but uh, you have a nice keister...."

First of all, first time ever to get a compliment on my ass....i was really rather flattered.

Second, KEISTER? haha i almost died laughing. I blushed and thanked her profusely, she walked away blushing just a tinge herself. I hate that i can't remember her name...maybe i'll see her again somewhere.

Last call came all too soon and those of us serving drinks switched in to clean up mode. We packed up cups and napkins, took down tents and chairs, wiped down tables. We watched as people filed downstairs and back out into the cool Denver night. Groups were heading to after parties and clubs, out to grab food or more drinks. I could see one of the "almost fifties" walking down Colfax with her group of buddies teetering on her heels and singing. My feet hurt and my eyes were heavy but my mind was racing. There is just something about being in the company of people just like you, having fun and being free. I had a blast and can't wait for the next happy hour.

awesomeness squared

Jane and Rachel

this may be one of the coolest vids ever...just thought i'd share on this lovely monday morning.

I hear that two lesbians talking politics can cure any case of the mondays!

peace

dating blues: dates who look like exes and bois who don't like other bois

so, there i was, two short days after cielo turned out to be insane, ready to go on yet another first date. except, this time, i really did not want to go. The only thing helping me keep the date was curiosity.

well, curiosity killed the cat.

There is a nifty little bar near my house called Jonesy's. good food, good drinks, good service. When you first arrive, you actually enter a very small foyer of sorts, closed off my thick, floor length curtains. I am not entirely sure why they are there, but they gave me a chance to survey the room without being seen. I scanned the bar looking for a gal with mid length, brownish hair. Instead, at the end of the bar talking on her phone, i saw....  MY EX?!?!?! (the very ex that inspired this blog. see: dating blues: the beginning) what the fuck? i was immediately sick to my stomach and feeling quite faint. What the hell was she doing here...and where was my date? How was i going to slip past the ex and find Aussie? I peeked out from behind the curtains, studying  the back of my exes head.

"Wait a sec..." i told myself, "That's not the ex...!" I slipped out from behind the mauve curtains to get a closer look without seeming suspicious. From a different vantage point, i realized (with great relief) that the girl was not the ex...oh thank you god!

"Geeze, that could totally be her twin...i wonder if she knows she has a doppelganger running around out there?"

 But where the hell was this Aussie gal...?

There was no one else in the bar that could possibly be my date...two dudes and an ancient blue hair? I think not... i slid a little closer to the bar hoping the ex look-a-like was not my date. well, she was. she looked nothing like her profile pic...with short, ginger hair. You would think she could have updated that photo!

I moved into her line of sight as she got off the phone....we made the usual "pleased to make your acquaintance" pleasantries while i slipped onto a bar stool and ordered a beer. We talked fairly easily, nothing too interesting but not all that exhilarating either. To be quite honest, the rest of the evening was not that bad....but not really all that memorable. We had similarly religious backgrounds, she thought my hair cut was VERY GAY(whatever that means), and she said she spent most of her time in coffee shops and pubs writing her crime novel. She bitched a little bit about being bored...and i thought, "at least you have the means to actually take all that time off!!! You could do whatever you wanted!" The conversation waned a bit here and there...until i thought of something else silly to say. She asked very few questions, leaving it up to me to carry the convo. It was getting close to nine o'clock when she spotted something  on the TV hanging over the bar. It was some sort of celebrity trash and bash show and she talked endlessly about how stupid it was but couldn't seem to stop watching it. Then, to my horror, The Jersey Shore came on.

she exclaimed, "oh my... I've never actually seen this show. It seems really stupid."
"count your blessings," i said dryly, "i had this girlfriend who watched it religiously. I hope to god i never see another episode."

apparently, whatever i said that night, the opposite happened. There she sat, eyes fixed on the screen.... quick bursts of laughter choking out of her followed by, "oh my god, are these people for real?"

" i think that's why it's called Reality TV."

and so, for the next forty five mins she sat and watched and commented on the excessive amount of tanning.

I was beginning to feel pretty knackered and slightly grumpy...i finished off my beer and started making moves to leave...she finally tore herself from the TV screen and we walked outside.

"Well, that was fun. really nice meeting you. I'll see you around!"  she walked to her car....i walked home.

Not the worst date, not the best....unmemorable at the most. and now that i've typed that it sounds jackass-ish....but i really cant stand The Jersey Shore! i'm an ass right?

Two days later i found myself heading out to YET ANOTHER FIRST DATE. This time slightly more interested than the last bust still not exactly jumping for joy. This time it was with "hip", the bike-riding chef. I met her at an small coffee shop where the coffee was literally AMAZING. I could tell she was automatically surprised by my appearance.I'm not sure why since i had the exact same haircut as in all my online photos, i was wearing similar clothing and was even wearing my glasses. But, then again i was surprised by hers as well...she looked exactly the same as she did in her photos too though. I think what was surprising is how similar we were. If "boi" could have an exact picture image we would be it. I think we both assumed one of us would be the more feminine...instead we matched each other: faux hawk for faux, american eagle boxer briefs for american eagle boxer briefs. She seemed either really nervous about it or slightly put off...i couldn't tell which. We had a lot in common though, including the love of literature, creative writing, tattoos and stout beer. We had both not owned cars at some point in our adult lives, deciding to bike or take public transit instead,  and talked about the need to work outside...gardening, ect. We sat there for about two and a half hours drinking enough java to kill a large elephant. Finally, she suggested we walk down to Tattered Cover (an awesome locally owned book store) to peruse our favorite authors. We walked in the crisp air, stopping at a couple of curiosity shops, talking about Ethiopian food and gullible women.

Once at Tattered Cover, it seemed that either she was unable to cope with the fact that we shared very few of the same favorite authors or she was just getting bored. We tooled around the store for another half hour before she just sort of walked out... i followed her out hoping she perhaps wanted to sit outside for a moment. Instead, she suggested we go back to pick up her bike and walk me to my car.

 "oh, well, i guess we're done here." i thought to myself. We walked back, no meandering this time, and soon i was being dropped off at my car. I suggested we grab a beer sometime seeing as how we both enjoyed a good stout. She agreed and off she rode on her bike.

I found her perplexing but was intrigued. A few days later i texted her. "I really enjoyed meeting you the other day. I would love to grab that beer with you soon, ect ect"

her reply, "enjoyed meeting you too. keep in touch"

keep in touch? what the hell...? thats what you say to relatives who move away or business associates you don't really need anymore....

I have a no idea what she actually meant by it...but i took it to mean, "Im not really interested in seeing you again but am to polite to actually say so. have a nice life"

After these two rather unsuccessful dates I found myself, in a rash of annoyance, deleting my online dating profile. As soon as I did, i felt a wave of relief. I have been online dating free for a few months now...its really quite lovely.

However, the past month has been rather lonesome. Instead of filling that with dating, i decided to take a larger interest in my community and signed up to volunteer at the local GLBT center. I also joined a Lesbian Book club...a bit odd...but am looking forward to at least getting free coffee and pastries at the meetings ha! I have been more active: hiking with the pooch, working out (this body really does need whipping into shape) and i bought a bike. I even got a library card with which i checked out five books from famous 1920s authors.

I hear that if you stop looking, the right gal will just fall into your lap....

i guess we shall see

BFF's, Burlesque and Boxer Briefs

You know when there is little place in your hear where you BFF resides? And how when you don't get to live near them or see them...that little place aches dully until you get to finally be with the? There is a little place in my hear that has been aching off and on for 10 years. 

When i was seven, hiding behind my mother who was dragging into yet another new classroom, i met MY BFF. She saw me peeking out from behind my mothers polyester pants and offered me her goldfish...we were pretty near inseparable until we graduated from high school. 

After high school we headed our separate ways fulling expecting live near each other. She would marry and start a family and i would bash around the world writing my memoirs. She did get married. I did bash around the world. However, we never lived closer than 500 miles to each other. We talked on the phone...i tried to visit as often as i could....but life has a way of completely fucking with our plans.

For the past three years we have been talking about how great it would be if she could move her family out to denver. Her husband is a firefighter...he could get a job here...right? 

They tried for ages...he flew to denver for interviews time and time again. To no avail. 

Two months ago he was offered a job. This past Friday, for the first time in nearly five years, i saw my BFF. There she was...same forever long hair, same smile...same hands...only now she is a mother of four. A devoted wife and mother, cooking healthy meals and recycling. She saves money by the bucket full coupon-ing and stocking up at costco. She is the mother of an Aspy kid...so loving and patient and kind. She is, in many ways, different than that little girl offering me her goldfish...and yet...she is still exactly the same. We sat up until the wee hours of the morning laughing and talking just like in the old days. Only now our conversations are about grownup things....her child having Asperbergers, me being a raving lesbo...in-laws and finances...car trouble and taxes...politics and religion. 

I woke up in her house Saturday morning...feeling quite parched and wondering where i was (you know how beer and whiskey can muddle things) I pondered us for a moment; completely different completely the same....that achy place in my heart not quite so achy.

so yeah...that was an awesome start to my weekend!

Saturday night turned out to be quite amazing as well...

why you ask?

one word:  BURLESQUE

I have this hilarious friend who calls himself the Irish Jew...he plays the guitar and performs comedy sketches at Lannies Clocktower Cabaret. I finally made it out to catch his act...

I caught so much more than that: i caught Cabaret Fever. I've never seen so many talented (and sexy) young women all in one place. They danced and sang and swung tassels around on their nipples. (HOW DO THEY DO THAT?) There was a gorgeous lady named Midnight Martini who swung herself around on a ring suspended from the ceiling. She accomplished such wild and exciting gymnastic feats that blew my mind and caused me dream about her later. We were each given these horrid little noise makers which i nearly wore out and became quite horse with shouting (the MC asked us to be loud and obnoxious just in case you were wondering). Who needs strip clubs when you've got Cabarets...so much more talent involved and you don't leave feeling sleaze dripping off of you. Not only were the young women amazingly talented, my friend was also quite hysterical...who knew he could impersonate Bob Dylan so well? I wish i had had a video camera!

so, friday night i spent drinking with BFF, saturday night i spent watching lovely ladies throw their clothes off, and Sunday night i found a bunch of boxer briefs on sale. (trunks to be exact) and not just any trunks. American Eagle trunks! I do not know why but i I LOVE American Eagle underwear...especially their boxer briefs. They are snug and comfortable...just the right length and always in my favorite colors. *sigh* Throw in the sale and i was one happy Boi...I am easy to please.

and there you have it folks...the key to a happy weekend...

bff's, burlesque and boxer briefs

happy tuesday

dating blues:dust yourself off

i really must apologize for my absence...words cannot express the intensity with which life has toyed with my free time; therefore i will spare you the details and just get back to dating blues.

Have you ever tried talking to more than one chick at a time? That whole thing where you are going on a date with one, emailing another and texting yet another. I have. I find it quite stressful...

Despite feeling quite anxious about talking to multiple women at the same time, a week before that disastrous Cielo debacle, i began emailing back and forth with a lawyer that we will call Aussie (as you may have guessed she's from Down Under). Aussie was an immigration lawyer,  on sabbatical to write novel a la John Grisham. She had a dog, a cat and lived in the suburbs (like 30 miles from Denver suburbs!)

A few days after the emails with Aussie started, a gal we'll call Hip, for hipster, began chatting with me as well. Hip was a bike riding, coffee loving, faux-hawk sporting chef who talked about the sound of big, black typewriters.

Aussies seemingly stable lifestyle was appealing. I mean, she was a lawyer for Christs sake...a lawyer with enough time and money to take nine months off to write a novel! Her emails were short, professional and to the point. Not exactly riveting.

Hip, well, hip was just cool. She worked for a non-prof closely associated with my own organization. She played co-ed soccer on the weekends and wanted to start her own self-defense class for GLBTQ youth. Her emails were descriptive; going into length about the taste of her favorite beer and how to find the best but cheapest big, black typewriters. It seemed we had quite a lot in common.

All the while i was wildly texting Cielo and making plans to finally see her. As you all know, that particular venture ...uhh, blew up in my face.

A couple of days after that disastrous meeting, Aussie suggested we meet for a drink. I will admit, the idea of being strung of by my toenails seemed preferable to another first date...but i pulled myself up by my bootstraps and agreed to meet her at a local bar nearby...

pick yourself up, dust yourself off, start all over again

Two days later, i was also making plans to have coffee with Hip at a delightful little shop nearby. I thought to myself, "why the hell not?! Both dates can't be a bust!"

It never ceases to amaze me how very wrong i can be.