dating blues: lookin' for love

and now...back to DATING BLUES:

September 2011:

    the time had come to create my online dating profile....i spent an inordinate amount of time fashioning the obligatory "about me" section: likes, dislikes, strengths, weaknesses, basically my life story in 1000 characters. easy, right? PFFFFT! I wasted away many an hour picking out the best photos...nature shots, action shots, smiling coquettishly into the camera shots and of course...pet shots. I probably revised my profile ten times before publishing it...absolutely no typos or grammar mistakes allowed! I really was taking it all quite seriously!

    finally my profile was complete and ready for viewing. I pressed "publish" and waited for the onslaught of messages to raid my inbox...

    suffice it to say...my inbox was rather bare for quite some time...until i realized that online dating wasn't much different than walking into a bar...waiting for someone to approach me was a ridiculous notion. so, i winked, and flirted and messaged....poked and IM'd and chatted. There were pages and pages of "your matches"...i browsed them carefully looking for ms. right. 

    One of the first profiles that really caught my eye was of a Beautiful Butch i will call "Cielo" which in Spanish means "sky or heaven". from her blurb it sounded as though Cielo was beyond smart...she talked about abandoned buildings, being comfortable with herself and quantum physics. It was the quantum physics that really hooked me....i began revisiting the subject convinced i would have an intelligent conversation about quantum physics with her at some point. i perused her photos, completely floored by one in particular. She look as if she had just stepped out of the movie "Grease", wearing a tight white tee, hair in a pompadour and sporting a sleek, little mustache. damn if that wasn't hot...oh and did i mention her eyes? the most vivid green you have ever seen...i felt a little lost in them. a bit dramatic? a bit...but i couldn't help myself. i was also was a little mystified...i haven't been attracted to many butch women in my life...but was certainly attracted to this gal. so, out of my comfort zone i crept...vowing to message her the next day when i had time to write an amazing email that blow her away. the next day i logged on and searched for her profile: "this profile does not exist"   WHAT?? i searched high and low for Cielo and could not find her. where the hell had she gone...was  i typing in her username wrong? Jesus! She had disappeared and i was disappointed! BLERG! i did not know, however, that that was not the last I would see of Cielo...(how's that for foreshadowing?) 

    One disappointment down, a million gazillion to go: I chatted with quite a few other chicas before finally setting up an ice cream date with "Samantha". a massage therapist with a St. Bernard. 

     My coworker,"eva" advised "you should try to get a free massage out of this date!" 

   "yes, of course." i replied, " I'll just casually ask 'what's your favorite ice cream? by the way, can i have a free massage?' " right...

     I didn't have the chance to ask for a fucking free massage. As i was heading out she sent me this highly annoying text "i may be late....i stopped by this tattoo shop and the wait is about forty-five minutes long" (WHAT THE FUCK?!) to which i stupidly replied, "oh, ok...no worries". twenty minutes later she texted again..."i don't think i'm going to make it...the wait here is really long and my parents decided not to take care of my dog today...sooooo" to which i also stupidly replied "maybe we can reschedule..." her reply? "k". (OH MY GOD?) to which i DID NOT reply.

     Back i went to "the site"...chatting up a few other lovely ladies. Including one "questioning nineteen year old" whose favorite subject to talk about was The Holocaust (how depressing).

     I was starting to get frustrated when "Giselle" swept into my inbox. To use a cliche it was like a breath of fresh air! Giselle was funny and clever...beyond adorable...and Puerto Rican (for those of you who have never dated a Puerto Rican...PLEASE DO!) She had long curly hair and glasses, two traits i cannot resist. Her subject lines were random and hilarious: "the cat is stuck in the underwear drawer again" and other such silliness. We messaged daily...texted frequently and finally spoke on the phone. What a sexy, husky voice she had! After a few days we agreed to meet on Tuesday at "Double Daughters" downtown.

       I waited, impatiently, for Tuesday...

to be continued