dating blues:what next?

September 2011:

in my refreshing state of lesbo revival, i began to think about how on earth was i going to approach dating this time...

past approaches have left much to be desired...

dating in college (christian college for me!) inevitably leads to the "passionate friendship". how i hate "passionate friendships"...they always leave you pining after the pussy that got away. you know the one, "i really care about you, but i just don't think i can go that far. The Bible says that’s wrong!”   NICE   -.-

in my barista years, dating customers eventually led to this conversation:

her, "so, i used to be a stripper."

me, “OK, that i can definitely work with. “

her, "oh, and my husband helped me pick out my outfit for this date. do you like it?"

me, “I'm sorry what did you just say?”

her, "yeah, my husband is really supportive of me...you'd like him. would you like to meet him?

" husband?“ i whisper.

"yeah, he's a cop!"

I clear throat nervously, “oh dear god. is that my phone?”

always a fun one!

dating family friends is always awkward...especially when the break-up happens. someone is going to lose an entire social network of friends and family, which is heartbreaking...and that someone is usually me. (poor little me)

so...what am i left with? cruising bars for a possible love interest? as soon as i enter a bar...my mouth drys up cotton style and lucid thought escapes me.. i am terrified to make that first move...something stupid like, "did it hurt when you stepped on that rake?...i mean when you fell from... wait...do the angles miss you? uh,i think i may have my cliche's mixed up" will come spilling out of my mouth...making any later romantic encounter impossible.

i could join the local women's rugby team...I hear that they could all be queer...what a great way to network... until someone breaks a leg or tears a rotator cuff.  i am just a scrawny wee broad...have you seen women rugby players? they are strong, brick like women who could break me...i like being able to walk.

WHATS LEFT?!? i ask my roommate, who is currently updating her online dating profile. she smirks at me, "well duh, online dating. how else are you going to meet people...you can PRESCREEN!"

WHATS LEFT?!? i ask my co-workers - "have you tried online dating? my brother’s wife's cousin found her partner online...and there’s that gay guy in accounting...he found his boy toy online...everyone is doing it!”

What's LEFT?!? i ask Shelby the goat-faced dog. her answer? "my friend Fido down at the dog park found his soul-mate on dog n' dates.com...he is very happy."

“OK, OK! i get the point!” i murmured.

and so set about to creating a online dating profile...