reality bites

Make that Harper and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

    

 this is me today....seriously. it is one goddamn thing after another. 

Blow after blow...my soul is feeling rather bruised and bloody.

I hate when the tears are so close to spilling over that you have to tilt your head back

looking into the harsh florescent lights

blinking faster than beating hummingbird wings to keep them from tumbling over the edge.

and the people keep calling

the people you work endlessly to help

people whose life are WAY shittier than yours

they keep calling

and you start feeling guilty for feeling so shitty when they are in deeper shit than you

and that makes it worse and the tears come back

one misguided blink and they trip over your eyelashes

slide silently over your cheek.

you wonder if you can attribute tears and red eyes to allergies?

marg from IT walks by as you take another call;

squinting at you

you clear your throat to quell the shake in your voice.

and all you want to do is smoke

but you're trying to quit

quitting sucks ass

smoking is such an expensive habit.

you try retreating to the bathroom

there are woman gabbing about t-ball practice and that bitch in accounting

maybe the break room is empty

there are men talking about march madness and that bitch in accounting

you walk outside

the smokers are outside

back to your desk 

you work

all the while watching the clock for quittin' time

then you can go home and cry for real

or eat copious amounts of mac n' cheese

or drink that bottle of bourbon

instead you go home and put on that old, blue cardigan

the one that looks like something dad would have worn in '79

you listen to 

Six Days at the Bottom of the Ocean 

by Explosions in the Sky

anger, frustration, failure and alienation begin to fade

now you are just cold

your body aches for sun

for warmth

for strength

you search the sky for signs of life

i desperately want someone strong and beautiful to sing me this song tonight...but ray will do in a pinch. :)